Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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