idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
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