You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
