I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We had to coat check the pizza.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
