Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
