I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
