His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize