508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
