There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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