i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
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