we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
