does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I am available for nakedness
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
