Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
smell my finger.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
