My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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