Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize