but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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