??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
