Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
