is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
