dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He? As in you personified your dick?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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