I hate your face
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
