This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
