Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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