I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
