On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
