Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
