he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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