HIV tests are more positive than that guy
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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