my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
