You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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