After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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