i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
