i was born a porn star she said
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
