o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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