Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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