and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
