if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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