Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
