Swine flu. Run for my life!
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Who died my cat blue again?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
