I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
