I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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