Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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