Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I cut my penus on the lid.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
