You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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