everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
