wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Who put my cat in the fridge?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
