Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
