i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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