hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
