Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize