Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
