You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
