i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
