yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
