Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
