Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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