so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
