I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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