so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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