Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
