It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
