Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
