That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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