i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
