Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
