Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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