as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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