Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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