we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
