I hate your face
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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