Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
