I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
