Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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