I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I didn't notice because vodka
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
