But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I lost the right to judge tonight
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
