His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
