someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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