Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
