All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
