Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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