I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
