hell yes lets make some ravioli
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
