k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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