anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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