New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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