so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
