shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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