I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
