Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Someone shattered a urinal.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
