Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
