I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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