Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
