lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
