I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
