i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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