the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
