Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
