i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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